First Days

My dear Child,

You are getting ready to go back to school in a few days. You are sad and a bit scared. Your sadness comes because you had a good friend in your life last year. That friend was easy to be around, accepted you and your silly ways and spent time doing what you liked doing. You laughed with your friend, played with your friend and worked hard with your friend. You knew your friend would be there for you. When you were with that friend, you felt confident, like you were known and you felt at peace. It was a rare find. You treasured that relationship.

This year, however, that friend is somewhere else. Sad, is the only way you can think to describe how you feel. You feel sad. You know what you felt like when you were with that friend, and you are afraid you will not feel like that again with anyone else.

Your feeling of being scared comes because you are unsure of your ability. You think you may not be as smart as the others you are surrounded by. You are afraid you may even be embarrassed in front of people whose opinions you care about. You are afraid of the vulnerability that comes with walking into a situation that is unknown. To make it worse? You know your best friend will not be there to walk through the unknown with you. You are unsure if you have the confidence you need to face the scary things without that familiar someone at your side. You have a fear of the unknown, but mostly, you are afraid being alone in the unknown.

Sometimes I wish I could go backward. Sometimes I wish I could stay just a little longer in the presence of the peace and familiarity of feeling known. Too often, those friendships and moments go by so fast that we have barely realized just how important those people are before they are gone. Do you think it would be nice to have just one more day back then to spend with them, knowing what you know now? I do. I would certainly enjoy it more, and probably make sure they knew how much they meant to me.

Unfortunately, going backward is not an option. You know that. So, what do we do? What do we do with our sad? There are a few things we could try. Maybe it would be best to first sit with the sadness for a little while. When you feel the sadness, you feel the importance of that person. You remember how that person made you feel and that helps you to know it really mattered. After that, maybe talking about what that person did to help you feel important, to help you feel like you were not alone, would be helpful. When you talk about those things, you learn to be thankful for those parts of them. You learn to see why your friendship was different with that person than it is with other friends you have. When you talk about those things, you remember the good parts.

 After you have talked about the good in your friend, there may be something to do to help the sadness be less sad. Try to remember that everyone wants to feel like they are not alone. Everyone you are around, whether it seems like it or not, wants someone to let them know that they are important, just the way they are. Could you remember your friend that you miss, and try to be like that friend to someone else? Could you think about how that friend treated you, and try to treat someone else with all the good that friend showed you? It might not feel easy. It might not feel comfortable. You will probably still feel a little afraid of what those people think. But I know you can do it. It will help.

We do not ever replace people. The extra special people in our life will always be that way. But maybe, when we cannot be with those people, we can remember the good parts, and try to spread that around to the ones with are with. That might make the sad a little less sad, and give us a little more power to bring some happy in.

You’ve got this and you are loved.